Confessions of a Film Snob
... It means I know more than you
By: Joanna Arcieri
Issue date: 3/27/08 Section: Entertainment
Spring is Hollywood's worst months. The Oscar favorites make their final appearances at art-house cinemas until the wannabe film buffs can add these films to their Netflix queues.
Meanwhile, Hollywood executives attempt to force movies that are conventional, gag-filled and quite possibly detrimental to my health.
Just this weekend, I was subjected to the possibility of seeing Shutter, a remake of a Japanese horror film; Meet the Browns, yet another Tyler Perry movie; and Drillbit Taylor, Judd Apatow's latest monstrosity.
When I think about March, April and May's upcoming releases, I cringe in agony. It is as though Hollywood executives think I actually believe that a Roger Ebert movie review is the holy grail of film criticism.
Although someone might give these movies two thumbs up, here are the certifiable duds to avoid:
Run Fatboy Run (March 28) - Dennis is fat. He smokes. He dumped his pregnant girlfriend at the altar. But he's still a nice guy who wants to make amends. So he's bonding with his son and trying to win back his ex. Only problem is she's dating the not fat, seemingly-charming-but-deep-down-a-jerk, Whit. Gee, I wonder who she picks.
Nim's Island (April 4 ) - It's the first of many fantasy movies this year, and the kiddies will certainly be lining up at multiplexes across the country. With the tagline "anything can happen on Nim's Island," there's bound to be some adventure and a heartwarming coming-of-age story. It pains me to say this, but I'd rather see the next Chronicles of Narnia installment. And Jodie Foster is in it, which is unfortunate for Jodie Foster who probably wishes it was still the early 90s.
Sex and the City: The Movie (May 30) - Four New York City women named Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda get together and talk about their sex lives. How thrilling. Apparently Sex and the City was some television show before it was a movie. Somewhere George Cukor is rolling in his grave.
I'm desperately waiting for June 21, when the Hollywood blockbusters come out in full force. Knowing that September is just around the corner gets me excited for cinema's best treasures.
Film Snob out.
Meanwhile, Hollywood executives attempt to force movies that are conventional, gag-filled and quite possibly detrimental to my health.
Just this weekend, I was subjected to the possibility of seeing Shutter, a remake of a Japanese horror film; Meet the Browns, yet another Tyler Perry movie; and Drillbit Taylor, Judd Apatow's latest monstrosity.
When I think about March, April and May's upcoming releases, I cringe in agony. It is as though Hollywood executives think I actually believe that a Roger Ebert movie review is the holy grail of film criticism.
Although someone might give these movies two thumbs up, here are the certifiable duds to avoid:
Run Fatboy Run (March 28) - Dennis is fat. He smokes. He dumped his pregnant girlfriend at the altar. But he's still a nice guy who wants to make amends. So he's bonding with his son and trying to win back his ex. Only problem is she's dating the not fat, seemingly-charming-but-deep-down-a-jerk, Whit. Gee, I wonder who she picks.
Nim's Island (April 4 ) - It's the first of many fantasy movies this year, and the kiddies will certainly be lining up at multiplexes across the country. With the tagline "anything can happen on Nim's Island," there's bound to be some adventure and a heartwarming coming-of-age story. It pains me to say this, but I'd rather see the next Chronicles of Narnia installment. And Jodie Foster is in it, which is unfortunate for Jodie Foster who probably wishes it was still the early 90s.
Sex and the City: The Movie (May 30) - Four New York City women named Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda get together and talk about their sex lives. How thrilling. Apparently Sex and the City was some television show before it was a movie. Somewhere George Cukor is rolling in his grave.
I'm desperately waiting for June 21, when the Hollywood blockbusters come out in full force. Knowing that September is just around the corner gets me excited for cinema's best treasures.
Film Snob out.